so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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