Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
