I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize