uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize