Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's blow job season.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
