High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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