Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
