How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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