how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
