Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
