i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
