I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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