I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
