Your tits are I can't wait for
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
