His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
