You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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