I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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