I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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