i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i already hear my dad disowning me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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