I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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