batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
