I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
