i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
