his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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