this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
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She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
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I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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