It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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