dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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