all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
