Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I want you more than these girls want KFC
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
