Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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