when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
