I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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