Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
