Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
