I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
