He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How does one acquire holy water?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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