Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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