the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Damn victory sex feels great
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
