Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
