You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
