It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
