Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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