so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
accomplished twins. life is a go
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
