Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
