honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
