If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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