Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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