508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
