I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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