I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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