i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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