i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
