Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
