I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
