very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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