I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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