Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
