It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Michael Bay diarrhea
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
