i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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