So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
