Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
