I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
