She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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