That's when you crack a 10am beer
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
