I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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