I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
