I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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